NEW YEAR, SAME EVER EVOLVING ME (THIS TIME WITH RESOLUTIONS)

Oh, hey.
I have a blog.

And a mind full of jumbled thoughts and ideas waiting to be written down- some that I devote a great deal of introspection to (read: they keep me up at night), and others that are but a small flash of brilliance before they're lost, never to be remembered again. I have the memory of a gnat lately.

(Unless gnats have superior memories. I don't actually know.)

You've been spared a few weeks worth of my musings, but but I'm ready to be back. Chipping away at thoughts here and there when I'd rather be sleeping doesn't yield the same results that writing through them does.

I need to process.

I need to sort.

I need to appease this small belief I have that we all have stories to tell; that telling our stories benefits ourselves as well as others, if only to know we aren't alone.

So I'm back and ready to write more. It's mere coincidence that this new resolve coincides with the new year. I've never been one to make resolutions come January 1. Last year was probably the closest I've come (and I didn't do too bad, considering one of my goals was to watch more movies).

I've always said I'm more inclined to measure yearly progress from one birthday to the next, or even from the beginning of a school year to the end, even though I haven't been in school for nearly a decade.

It's as though I have an aversion to setting goals at the beginning of the year; like anyone who dares improve themselves at the onset of the calendar year is doomed to fail three weeks in.

This year I say, to hell with that.

I'm setting legit goals, which, watching more movies is a legit goal, but I'm thinking legit legit. I'm not posting them here, but I am writing them down.

While I figure out the specifics, I'm keeping in mind that my aim isn't to become a new person. I don't necessarily want to stay the same, but as it stands, the same old me is ever evolving.

So yes, some of my goals are to push myself even further from my diminishing comfort zone. Some of my goals are intended to make me shift focus and work harder. But at the heart of my driven, outcome-oriented list is the understanding that I can't make a checklist to get me to where I need to be. The only way for me to get there is to be open to new perspectives, to learn from the experiences of others, to embrace the unfamiliar, and to seek out greater depth and substance. I must allow myself to be refined and reshaped, and I can't always plan for that.

Here's to 2017. May it shape us. May it change us. May we have the strength to resist and the wisdom to know when to surrender. May we do more of what we need and less of what we want. May we get out of it what we hope, but ultimately be better humans, more inclined to love, support, and understand one another.

And also?

May we never stop fighting for what is right and true in the face of all that is not. We've got this.

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