29 November 2016


I've never had much of a firm opinion on the matter that is Artificial Christmas Trees versus Real Christmas Trees.

The closest I've come to having one was in a public speaking class my freshman year of college. Just before winter break, we were assigned to work in groups, picking a side either for or against artificial Christmas trees, and present to the class in an attempt to persuade.

This is the stuff college educations are made of, y'all.

I, with my pierced tongue, was ushered to the pro-artificial side with the explanation: "You seem like the liberal type that would chain yourself to a tree to keep it from being cut down."

Um, okay.

I can't say that I've ever chained myself to a tree, either before that or since, (and I did transfer schools, if you're wondering), but I do seem to have a preference for fake ones.

I don't know why I prefer them (I was going to make a joke about "flocking" to them but I figured there's not really a market for Christmas tree puns- you're welcome), we've had an artificial, pre-lit tree since getting married. I've been looking to upgrade it, and have had my heart set on a white retro one, if a heart can be set on such a thing. I've searched for a couple years now, with zero luck.

During one of my online searches, I somehow got to researching the toxicity of artificial trees. You know, because I've finally stopped allowing myself to go to WebMd- I needed something to fill the void.

Toxic Christmas trees did the trick.

Sure, there are safe alternatives to PVC and lead-riddled evergreens, but they cost upwards of $800. Typically, I justify more expensive purchases with a simple cost-per-use equation.

Sure, that coat is $300, but I'll wear it for at least three months a year for the next six years or so. That's what, $16 a month? So, $4 a week? It would be financially irresponsible to not buy it.

Except, I can't really justify spending $1,000 on something that I will have out for three weeks a year.

Also, they don't come in white.

Just get a real Christmas tree, you say? Well, since this has become a post about my neurosis driven decision making, I worry about the needles becoming too dry and catching fire.

I was sad for about two minutes, but decided to branch out (you're welcome) and see what other options are out there.

A paper tree would be so easy to make (the tutorial is here). It would be so easy for my kids to destroy, but you can also recycle it when you're done, so...




I can't find the original source for the tree above, but it's the one I'm leaning toward. Stay tuned!

Yes, I'm serious.

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