GOING ON THIRTY

I turn thirty in less than a month. I entertained the idea of going to Vegas to celebrate, but then realized that I will most likely be sitting at home with my husband and kids, wearing party hats and playing Duck, Duck, Goose.

It sounds fantastic.

Thirty seems like such a benchmark birthday; like, I should have my life together, you know, Poise magazine and Mark Ruffalo. I've been reflecting on that quite a bit lately. I walk a fine line between overthinking and sentimental, and I seem to be stepping on both sides of it as I get ready to close out my twenties.

I am a vastly different person than I once was. If you knew me ten plus years ago, I feel like I should reintroduce myself. I imagine most people feel the same.

From this end of the past decade, I see my twenties as a period of shaking off the early parts of my life- the parts that would hold me back from where I was going. My twenties were years of selfishness, and years of immense personal growth, most have which has come recently. Becoming a parent will do that to you, I guess.

I look at the growth that came through those years as a sort of primer for the growth that is yet to come. There have been so many parts of me that have been stretched and pushed and broken down, and while I fought a lot of it, I came to embrace it.

I don't have everything together, but I'm at a place now that I can build upon. I can see the direction that I'm going and the person that I'm becoming, and I'm happy with it.

It might have taken the better part of thirty years, but I like who I am.

I am more true to myself now than I've ever been. I know what I want, and I'm not going to settle.

I'm still too confrontational at times. I should work on my approach.

I care. I care deeply. About my family, God, what is right.

I care what I put into the world and I want to make sure that it's good and that it's true.

However, I don't care what others assume about me and I have a hard time pretending to care about things that don't matter.

I realize the importance of surrounding myself with those who are positive and supportive.

Small talk is not my forte. I'd rather just delve into topics with substance.

I rarely wear heels anymore. In fact, I've been drawn to sneakers more than I would have ever imagined and that is appalling to my twenty-year-old self.

I'm discovering just how much I don't know and am actively seeking to learn more- to better myself, to teach my babies, to teach others.

I am questioning things I once thought I knew, and picking up the pieces of shattered beliefs and doubts, trying to put them back together in a way that won't break again.

I'm gaining understanding and empathy. I hope I use it well.

I've come to the conclusion that soup is probably my love language.

I am never going to make a regular habit of going to the gym.

If this is what I'm now building from, thirty is not a bad springboard to the rest of my life.

Now, onto the party planning.

2 comments:

  1. I LOVED turning 30! I felt like at every other milestone, elementary to jr. high, college to out in the world, etc. you reached something new but the new knocked you back down to the bottom rung. Turning 30 felt like the first time I really got to "take everything with me" . . . all the learning, all the growing, etc.

    I am turning 40 this summer which seems completely crazy to me but I like where I am and where God is leading. Kelly

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    1. I love the way you put that. I can relate to feeling like I get to take all I've learned with me this milestone. Cheers to liking who we are and who we're becoming!

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